Today is my birthday! The big 3-8! Wow. 40 just keeps getting closer and closer. But it's not here yet so I'm going to enjoy the last 2 years of my thirties while I can.
Something dawned on me today. I don't know why it took 38 years for me to realize this but it did. There will never be another year 37 for me. It's gone. Over. Kaput. While you're busy living life, you don't stop to think about the fact that each year really is precious because it's a once in a lifetime year. At least I didn't. I find myself either getting bogged down in the minutiae of daily living or planning for the future and I don't ever really stop and think about the moments at hand. So when I started thinking about how 37 was gone and never coming back, I got a little sad.
It's tempting to be depressed about getting older. But while I was sitting in my car today mourning the loss of 37, I decided that I needed to reflect on not only that year, but all the years of my life and be grateful for them. And as my dad always says, having another birthday is definitely better than the alternative.
I am so grateful for the life God has given me. I'm alive and well. I'm thankful for the good health I've had so far.
I'm thankful for a merciful God who has given me more second chances than I deserve. He has always watched over me and helped me make right the messes that I made for myself.
I'm so thankful for the education I received--from the days of public school all the way through to my higher education.
I'm grateful for my beautiful family. I have a husband that would move heaven and earth for his wife and children if he could. And I have 3 beautiful, healthy kids that are my little, walking miracles. I'm thankful for my extended family--those still here and those that have already moved on--and what they have taught me and brought to my life.
I am thankful for my friends--those old and dear friends who are so close to me and such a part of my life that they are like family. I'm also grateful for the new friends that God has brought into my life. I know all of these people are there for a reason and I truly value each and every one.
I am thankful for the basic, material things that make my life easier--my home, my car, the clothes I wear and the food I eat.
There are many, many more things I could list here if I sat and gave it more thought. But I'm tired this evening--this first night of my 38th year. So it's time to sleep. Thank you, God, for letting me live to see another year. Please don't ever let me forget to make each year and every moment in it count. Happy birthday to me and good night!
Showing posts with label Musings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Musings. Show all posts
Monday, December 10, 2012
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Time for a Facebook hiatus?
Two things are very evident to me today:
1. Politics--especially the presidential election--brings out the worst in most people.
2. Facebook is beating me down.
Now combine Facebook with politics (in this case, the 2012 presidential election) and you have a perfect storm of BS. And the BS storm of Facebook is beating me down. Well, Facebook itself isn't beating me down. The people on it are. It seems that I can't log on these days without seeing at least 100 negative political posts in my news feed at any given time. Ok, I exaggerate. But it's A LOT. And by 'negative' I mean the posts that involve name-calling and finger-pointing. You know, general third grade behavior.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not speaking to all Facebook users who post entries that are political in nature. In all fairness, some posts are genuine attempts at providing facts about the candidates, their policies, etc. and are what I consider to be fairly innocuous (as innocuous as a political statement can be). Some people are even willing to concede that their candidate of choice may not have all the right and/or best answers. These folks don't seem to be out to attack any one person or group of people. They are passionate about their beliefs. But they are passionate and respectful at the same time. And I respect that. And I have no problem with these people. In other words, there is some intelligent, thought-provoking political commentary out there.
But finding those little nuggets of sanity is like trying to mine for social media gold.
Most of what I see is what my very good friend calls "political vitriol". Anyone with a Facebook account knows exactly what I'm talking about. There's nothing redeeming about these posts. They're full of negativity, nastiness and in some cases, downright hatred. I think more so than promoting their political philosophies, these hateful people are just trying to appear intelligent and satisfy their overweening egos. And politics is just as good an excuse as any to spew their arrogance and hatred. They bait their Facebook status "hooks" just daring someone with an opposing opinion to bite. And when someone is foolish enough to take the bait, a back-and-forth Facebook duel begins. Sometimes words are spoken with such venom and anger you can feel it. Why all the anger? Each person tries to outwit the other with his/her vast political knowledge but really most of the time they just end up looking like jerks because they've resorted to name calling, cursing and other childish behaviors. Makes me tired just thinking about it.
While I'm on the subject, what I've never understood is why people even throw out political opinions in general on a social media outlet like Facebook--as if anyone cares what they think. Most people out there are probably already rooted in their political beliefs, right? So what any one person has to say contrary to those beliefs isn't going to change the other person's mind--especially on a forum like Facebook. So what's the point? Just for the sake of the argument? I think part of it is that it's easy to go toe-to-toe with someone when you're essentially arguing with a screen instead of a person. And if you've picked an argument with someone you don't know, the veil of anonymity allows for safe arrow slinging. And what's actually comical to me is that people are SO convinced that their candidate is the better man and the other is evil. They are adamant that their candidate is brilliant and the other an imbecile. They swear that their candidate's ideas and policies are the answers to the country's problems and the other's are merely fodder. Do they not realize what they are saying about their golden boy are the exact same things that "the other side" is saying about their golden boy? Makes for a pretty flimsy argument if you ask me. But I digress. Such is the typical mess that goes along with an election year. This part--the "my-party-is-better-than-your-party" attitude--never changes and I can accept that. I can also accept that more often than not, it's going to show up on Facebook. But the outright nastiness and hatred I've been seeing for the last several months, I can do without.
So to all you Negative Nellies, Naysayers and No-Wayers out there: stop using Facebook as your political soapbox--especially if you're going to act like my 11 year old nephew when you do it! But now that I think about it, to make that comparison degrades my nephew. He's not mean or hateful, just merely a child. So people, try having MATURE and INTELLIGENT debates and discussions with your adversaries during a phone conversation or (gasp) face-to-face. Verbally duke it out via text message if that's your thing. Just leave those of us who do not go to Facebook to get our political information out of it! Thank you!
1. Politics--especially the presidential election--brings out the worst in most people.
2. Facebook is beating me down.
Now combine Facebook with politics (in this case, the 2012 presidential election) and you have a perfect storm of BS. And the BS storm of Facebook is beating me down. Well, Facebook itself isn't beating me down. The people on it are. It seems that I can't log on these days without seeing at least 100 negative political posts in my news feed at any given time. Ok, I exaggerate. But it's A LOT. And by 'negative' I mean the posts that involve name-calling and finger-pointing. You know, general third grade behavior.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not speaking to all Facebook users who post entries that are political in nature. In all fairness, some posts are genuine attempts at providing facts about the candidates, their policies, etc. and are what I consider to be fairly innocuous (as innocuous as a political statement can be). Some people are even willing to concede that their candidate of choice may not have all the right and/or best answers. These folks don't seem to be out to attack any one person or group of people. They are passionate about their beliefs. But they are passionate and respectful at the same time. And I respect that. And I have no problem with these people. In other words, there is some intelligent, thought-provoking political commentary out there.
But finding those little nuggets of sanity is like trying to mine for social media gold.
Most of what I see is what my very good friend calls "political vitriol". Anyone with a Facebook account knows exactly what I'm talking about. There's nothing redeeming about these posts. They're full of negativity, nastiness and in some cases, downright hatred. I think more so than promoting their political philosophies, these hateful people are just trying to appear intelligent and satisfy their overweening egos. And politics is just as good an excuse as any to spew their arrogance and hatred. They bait their Facebook status "hooks" just daring someone with an opposing opinion to bite. And when someone is foolish enough to take the bait, a back-and-forth Facebook duel begins. Sometimes words are spoken with such venom and anger you can feel it. Why all the anger? Each person tries to outwit the other with his/her vast political knowledge but really most of the time they just end up looking like jerks because they've resorted to name calling, cursing and other childish behaviors. Makes me tired just thinking about it.
While I'm on the subject, what I've never understood is why people even throw out political opinions in general on a social media outlet like Facebook--as if anyone cares what they think. Most people out there are probably already rooted in their political beliefs, right? So what any one person has to say contrary to those beliefs isn't going to change the other person's mind--especially on a forum like Facebook. So what's the point? Just for the sake of the argument? I think part of it is that it's easy to go toe-to-toe with someone when you're essentially arguing with a screen instead of a person. And if you've picked an argument with someone you don't know, the veil of anonymity allows for safe arrow slinging. And what's actually comical to me is that people are SO convinced that their candidate is the better man and the other is evil. They are adamant that their candidate is brilliant and the other an imbecile. They swear that their candidate's ideas and policies are the answers to the country's problems and the other's are merely fodder. Do they not realize what they are saying about their golden boy are the exact same things that "the other side" is saying about their golden boy? Makes for a pretty flimsy argument if you ask me. But I digress. Such is the typical mess that goes along with an election year. This part--the "my-party-is-better-than-your-party" attitude--never changes and I can accept that. I can also accept that more often than not, it's going to show up on Facebook. But the outright nastiness and hatred I've been seeing for the last several months, I can do without.
So to all you Negative Nellies, Naysayers and No-Wayers out there: stop using Facebook as your political soapbox--especially if you're going to act like my 11 year old nephew when you do it! But now that I think about it, to make that comparison degrades my nephew. He's not mean or hateful, just merely a child. So people, try having MATURE and INTELLIGENT debates and discussions with your adversaries during a phone conversation or (gasp) face-to-face. Verbally duke it out via text message if that's your thing. Just leave those of us who do not go to Facebook to get our political information out of it! Thank you!
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Pneumonia
Well, for the last 5 days pneumonia has been ruling my life. And it's ruled with an iron fist. Have you ever had it? First timer right here. And it's been pretty bad. I started feeling bad on Sunday afternoon. I was really, really tired. But it went beyond just being physically overworked. It was taking real effort to move. I've had that feeling before and it's always come just before my body succumbs to some illness that robs me of me for a while. Since this icky feeling wasn't new to me, I was willing to bet something was about to hit. I just didn't know it was gonna be a sucker punch to the gut--or in this case, to the chest.
On Monday morning, I was supposed to take the kids to a MOPS play date at a local pumpkin farm. We were supposed to be there at 9am--early for those of us with 3 kids under the age of 5. After a very fitful night's sleep, I tried to get out of bed that morning and each limb of body felt like it weighed 2 tons and my entire lower body ached. I managed to drag myself into the shower and actually put a little make up on. But I couldn't overcome the weakness that I felt. I went upstairs to get the kids out of bed and each step up those stairs was brutal. I had to hold on to the rail as if I was an elderly woman. My legs hurt as if I was running a 5K, not climbing a simple flight of stairs (yes, for ME running a 5K invokes pain. Stop laughing). And by the time I got to the top of the stairs, my body felt like Jell-O--all wobbly and unsteady. But I managed to get everyone downstairs without passing out even thought I felt like I was going to.
My next thought was that eating breakfast would be the solution and give me that much-needed energy boost. Luckily Vincent had the day off from work it being Columbus Day and all (thank you, banker's holidays). He was helping feed the kids breakfast while I trudged around the kitchen, my fuzzy slippers scratching across the tile floor because I couldn't muster up the energy to actually pick up my feet. I made my customary breakfast of a protein shake and drank that down quickly hoping I'd instantly perk up. Nope. I was just as drained. At that point, the thought of having to dig down deep and somehow find the energy to load the kids into the car, much less chase them around a farm for a couple of hours, was just too much. The weakness was so debilitating, I swear I could literally hear my body tell me I AM NOT DOING THAT TODAY SO JUST FORGET IT! So I bailed on the play date and immediately went back to bed. I slept for a couple of hours. I woke up feeling just as exhausted. I knew something bad was happening. I took my temperature and sure enough, I had a fever. My first thought was THE FLU! EEEK! The dreaded flu! I figured that's all it could be since my only symptoms were fatigue, fever and muscle aches...well, and an occasional cough here and there but I just kind of blew that off. And I was kicking myself for having not already gotten my annual flu shot. Knowing I was going to need Tamiflu, stat, I made an appointment at one of those out-patient treatment centers, AKA "Doc-in-the-box" or as we used to call the on-campus clinic at Baylor back in the day, "The Quack Shack", since it was after hours and my doctor's office was already closed.
Since I had already self-diagnosed in my mind, I had The Quack Shack test me for the flu. Negative. What the ??? Then what else could it be?? I had joked around earlier that day that I probably had West Nile. Would I be sorry for that now?? Had I jinxed myself??? The doctor suggested I do blood work and take a chest X ray since I had mentioned my cough to him--as an afterthought, of course. I reluctantly agreed thinking this was going to be a waste of my precious time. So I got zapped and pricked. And I waited.
Diagnosis: PNEUMONIA.
What?! I was barely coughing! Aren't you supposed to hack your lungs out with that illness? But the doctor explained there were some spots on my lungs in the Xray and the results of my blood work suggested a bacterial infection but that we had probably caught it early. Nice. So two antibiotic prescriptions later I'm home in bed feeling like...well, someone who had pneumonia, which is to say really crappy. But still not really coughing. Well that changed in less than 24 hours. By the next morning I had all the typical symptoms: fatigue, chest tightness, fever and COUGH. I felt awful! Now luckily for me, my prince-of-a-husband stayed home to take care of the kids while I hacked and coughed and moaned and groaned. No, I'm not a very good patient. And despite that fact which is no doubt unpleasant for him, he stayed home yesterday as well! What a good man!
So that's been my life for the last 5 days. I'm fever free today for the first time since Monday. Maybe I'm starting to turn a corner now. I hope. And while I had it bad, I haven't had it as bad as some and thank God I never had to go to the hospital as I understand some do when it gets out of control. I still feel pretty tired and achy today but I went ahead and sent Vincent on to work. I think he was going crazy here with our 3 ring circus.
Needless to say I haven't felt much like blogging, writing, reading, meditating--basically I haven't felt like participating in life this week. I mean, you know you're in a bad way when washing your hair is the biggest feat you accomplish in a day. But having the down time gave me a chance to think about some of the things I eventually do want to write about on my blog. So I got out a notebook and started to jot down ideas and flesh them out a bit. We'll see what comes out of it.
On Monday morning, I was supposed to take the kids to a MOPS play date at a local pumpkin farm. We were supposed to be there at 9am--early for those of us with 3 kids under the age of 5. After a very fitful night's sleep, I tried to get out of bed that morning and each limb of body felt like it weighed 2 tons and my entire lower body ached. I managed to drag myself into the shower and actually put a little make up on. But I couldn't overcome the weakness that I felt. I went upstairs to get the kids out of bed and each step up those stairs was brutal. I had to hold on to the rail as if I was an elderly woman. My legs hurt as if I was running a 5K, not climbing a simple flight of stairs (yes, for ME running a 5K invokes pain. Stop laughing). And by the time I got to the top of the stairs, my body felt like Jell-O--all wobbly and unsteady. But I managed to get everyone downstairs without passing out even thought I felt like I was going to.
My next thought was that eating breakfast would be the solution and give me that much-needed energy boost. Luckily Vincent had the day off from work it being Columbus Day and all (thank you, banker's holidays). He was helping feed the kids breakfast while I trudged around the kitchen, my fuzzy slippers scratching across the tile floor because I couldn't muster up the energy to actually pick up my feet. I made my customary breakfast of a protein shake and drank that down quickly hoping I'd instantly perk up. Nope. I was just as drained. At that point, the thought of having to dig down deep and somehow find the energy to load the kids into the car, much less chase them around a farm for a couple of hours, was just too much. The weakness was so debilitating, I swear I could literally hear my body tell me I AM NOT DOING THAT TODAY SO JUST FORGET IT! So I bailed on the play date and immediately went back to bed. I slept for a couple of hours. I woke up feeling just as exhausted. I knew something bad was happening. I took my temperature and sure enough, I had a fever. My first thought was THE FLU! EEEK! The dreaded flu! I figured that's all it could be since my only symptoms were fatigue, fever and muscle aches...well, and an occasional cough here and there but I just kind of blew that off. And I was kicking myself for having not already gotten my annual flu shot. Knowing I was going to need Tamiflu, stat, I made an appointment at one of those out-patient treatment centers, AKA "Doc-in-the-box" or as we used to call the on-campus clinic at Baylor back in the day, "The Quack Shack", since it was after hours and my doctor's office was already closed.
Since I had already self-diagnosed in my mind, I had The Quack Shack test me for the flu. Negative. What the ??? Then what else could it be?? I had joked around earlier that day that I probably had West Nile. Would I be sorry for that now?? Had I jinxed myself??? The doctor suggested I do blood work and take a chest X ray since I had mentioned my cough to him--as an afterthought, of course. I reluctantly agreed thinking this was going to be a waste of my precious time. So I got zapped and pricked. And I waited.
Diagnosis: PNEUMONIA.
What?! I was barely coughing! Aren't you supposed to hack your lungs out with that illness? But the doctor explained there were some spots on my lungs in the Xray and the results of my blood work suggested a bacterial infection but that we had probably caught it early. Nice. So two antibiotic prescriptions later I'm home in bed feeling like...well, someone who had pneumonia, which is to say really crappy. But still not really coughing. Well that changed in less than 24 hours. By the next morning I had all the typical symptoms: fatigue, chest tightness, fever and COUGH. I felt awful! Now luckily for me, my prince-of-a-husband stayed home to take care of the kids while I hacked and coughed and moaned and groaned. No, I'm not a very good patient. And despite that fact which is no doubt unpleasant for him, he stayed home yesterday as well! What a good man!
So that's been my life for the last 5 days. I'm fever free today for the first time since Monday. Maybe I'm starting to turn a corner now. I hope. And while I had it bad, I haven't had it as bad as some and thank God I never had to go to the hospital as I understand some do when it gets out of control. I still feel pretty tired and achy today but I went ahead and sent Vincent on to work. I think he was going crazy here with our 3 ring circus.
Needless to say I haven't felt much like blogging, writing, reading, meditating--basically I haven't felt like participating in life this week. I mean, you know you're in a bad way when washing your hair is the biggest feat you accomplish in a day. But having the down time gave me a chance to think about some of the things I eventually do want to write about on my blog. So I got out a notebook and started to jot down ideas and flesh them out a bit. We'll see what comes out of it.
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Conflicted
I just realized today that my 20 year HS reunion is in 9 months. And I'm really having trouble making sense of how I feel about this. I find it hard not to immediately think of the standard cliches dealing with aging and the passing of time. I really hate to go there in my writing but I really can't think of any other way to articulate how I feel. In some ways, 20 years has truly flown by. Some of my memories from high school are so vivid, it's as if they happened yesterday and while I'm still young at heart, I have to remind myself that I'm not as young as I think (or feel) I am anymore. But in other ways, so much has happened to me in these 20 years that thinking about it all overwhelms me and makes me tired. Like I've done a lifetime's-worth of living in 20 years. And I can't decide if being 20 years older is a good thing or not. I mean, it's certainly better than the alternative, but aren't we all supposed to want to be 'forever young' as the song suggests?
So does this mean I'm on the brink of a mid-life crisis? I don't know. Father Time is messing with me and surely he's getting a chuckle out of it at my expense.
All I really know is that I'm conflicted. Conflicted not only about how I feel about being out of high school for 20 years, but also about what I've done with that time I was given. What have I accomplished? Has it really meant anything to me and to others? If I died tomorrow, what would people say about me and my life? I feel like I've done okay for myself but according to whom? What standards do I use to evaluate these things? I think what stands out the most as I reflect on this is that practically every decision I have ever made in my life has been based on the reliance of my own "wisdom". I hardly ever went to God in prayer about anything. I never prayed about what college I should attend, what major I should choose, if I should go to graduate school or not, and for 13 long years, I didn't pray about the awful, bitter feelings I had about the one and only real job I ever had. I never sought His guidance and I think that's pretty significant (and not in a good way). I've just been kind of muddling through life living off the fruits of dumb luck which incidentally aren't that great. This is not how I want to live the next 20 years of my life. I want more. I want authentic purpose--the kind that I believe only God can help me find--so that perhaps I can go to my 40 year reunion with amazing stories to share!
So does this mean I'm on the brink of a mid-life crisis? I don't know. Father Time is messing with me and surely he's getting a chuckle out of it at my expense.
All I really know is that I'm conflicted. Conflicted not only about how I feel about being out of high school for 20 years, but also about what I've done with that time I was given. What have I accomplished? Has it really meant anything to me and to others? If I died tomorrow, what would people say about me and my life? I feel like I've done okay for myself but according to whom? What standards do I use to evaluate these things? I think what stands out the most as I reflect on this is that practically every decision I have ever made in my life has been based on the reliance of my own "wisdom". I hardly ever went to God in prayer about anything. I never prayed about what college I should attend, what major I should choose, if I should go to graduate school or not, and for 13 long years, I didn't pray about the awful, bitter feelings I had about the one and only real job I ever had. I never sought His guidance and I think that's pretty significant (and not in a good way). I've just been kind of muddling through life living off the fruits of dumb luck which incidentally aren't that great. This is not how I want to live the next 20 years of my life. I want more. I want authentic purpose--the kind that I believe only God can help me find--so that perhaps I can go to my 40 year reunion with amazing stories to share!
Friday, September 28, 2012
Blah, blah, blog
Well here I go again. The third time in my life I'm attempting to blog. The other 2 times I tried, I failed. First try--lack of interest in my own story. Ha. Second try--lack of time. So of course it makes sense to try again when I have 3 kids under the age of 5, 2 dogs, 1 cat, and a house to maintain. Sure, why not? Recipe for failure? I hope not.
I have to admit, I always felt silly about journaling and/or keeping a diary. I don't know why. Just always have. Back in the days of diaries with locks and keys, I felt silly writing to no one. I mean, no one else was going to read my entries and I already knew how I was feeling so why take the extra time to write it down? Seemed pointless. Lots of blah, blah, blah for no reason. While I still feel weird about journaling, blogging is a little different, I think. I even looked up the definition to make sure. I'm a word nerd and love to know the meanings and origins of words. 'Blog' is the combination of the words 'web' and 'log'. Kind of like a journal but more like a chronicle. So I think I'm okay with that.
But another reason I want to give this another shot is that I want to write. There, I said it. I've always loved to write and I've been told my whole life that I have a knack for it. But I've always been hesitant to try b/c I'm a wuss and it's hard to put yourself out there for people to point and laugh at you or shred you to bits. But I've also hesitated b/c I always feared my technical skills weren't good enough--you know, proper punctuation usage and whatnot. I like to do things right or I don't want to do them at all. But I'm not going to let that stop me anymore. I just hope that what I have to say and what I have to write will be so brilliant and impactful (kidding, sort of) that some punctuation mistakes will go unnoticed. Or at least forgiven.
I've also been inspired by reading some other amazing blogs recently. Check out Holley Gerth's and Lisa Jo Baker's blogs. They're worth the read.
I don't know. We'll see where this all goes from here. Even though my blog isn't exclusively about the twins anymore, I'm keeping the name b/c I think it's clever. Vincent came up with the name. I love it so it stays! :)
I have to admit, I always felt silly about journaling and/or keeping a diary. I don't know why. Just always have. Back in the days of diaries with locks and keys, I felt silly writing to no one. I mean, no one else was going to read my entries and I already knew how I was feeling so why take the extra time to write it down? Seemed pointless. Lots of blah, blah, blah for no reason. While I still feel weird about journaling, blogging is a little different, I think. I even looked up the definition to make sure. I'm a word nerd and love to know the meanings and origins of words. 'Blog' is the combination of the words 'web' and 'log'. Kind of like a journal but more like a chronicle. So I think I'm okay with that.
But another reason I want to give this another shot is that I want to write. There, I said it. I've always loved to write and I've been told my whole life that I have a knack for it. But I've always been hesitant to try b/c I'm a wuss and it's hard to put yourself out there for people to point and laugh at you or shred you to bits. But I've also hesitated b/c I always feared my technical skills weren't good enough--you know, proper punctuation usage and whatnot. I like to do things right or I don't want to do them at all. But I'm not going to let that stop me anymore. I just hope that what I have to say and what I have to write will be so brilliant and impactful (kidding, sort of) that some punctuation mistakes will go unnoticed. Or at least forgiven.
I've also been inspired by reading some other amazing blogs recently. Check out Holley Gerth's and Lisa Jo Baker's blogs. They're worth the read.
I don't know. We'll see where this all goes from here. Even though my blog isn't exclusively about the twins anymore, I'm keeping the name b/c I think it's clever. Vincent came up with the name. I love it so it stays! :)
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