Five Minute Friday--Opportunity

Go!

Today's word--opportunity--could not have come at a more appropriate time.  Today a possible teaching opportunity has been presented to me.  A former graduate school professor of mine is taking a leave of absence for the spring semester this year.  He's asked me to teach one of his undergrad classes for him while he's gone.  WOW!  For me this is HUGE!  I've taught before--some in a high school setting and some training classes at my former job.  But never at the college level!  I'm intimidated to say the least!  Praying for some guidance on what to do.  If I can make child care arrangements for the twins (Olivia will be in school) then it should be possible.  Details that need to be ironed out this weekend before giving them an answer.  I'm honored and proud that he thought of me but scared out of my mind at the same time!!!  This class has 43 students signed up!  What an audience that is!  And for someone who hates the sound of her own voice, that's pretty dang intimidating!!!

Stop!


Here's the scoop on Five Minute Friday from Lisa Jo herself:

We write for five minutes flat. All on the same prompt that I post here at 1 minute past midnight EST ever Friday. And we connect on Twitter with the hashtag#FiveMinuteFriday

No extreme editing; no worrying about perfect grammar, font, or punctuation.

Unscripted. Unedited. Real.

It started because I’d been thinking about writing and how often our perfectionism gets in the way of our words. And I figured, why not take 5 minutes and see what comes out: not a perfect post, not a profound post, just five minutes of focused writing.

So now on Fridays a group of people who love to throw caution to the wind and just write without worrying if it’s just right gather to share what five minutes buys them. Just five minutes.

Another year down. #38

Today is my birthday!  The big 3-8!  Wow.  40 just keeps getting closer and closer.  But it's not here yet so I'm going to enjoy the last 2 years of my thirties while I can.

Something dawned on me today.  I don't know why it took 38 years for me to realize this but it did.  There will never be another year 37 for me.  It's gone.  Over.  Kaput.  While you're busy living life, you don't stop to think about the fact that each year really is precious because it's a once in a lifetime year.  At least I didn't. I find myself either getting bogged down in the minutiae of daily living or planning for the future and I don't ever really stop and think about the moments at hand.  So when I started thinking about how 37 was gone and never coming back, I got a little sad.

It's tempting to be depressed about getting older.  But while I was sitting in my car today mourning the loss of 37, I decided that I needed to reflect on not only that year, but all the years of my life and be grateful for them.  And as my dad always says, having another birthday is definitely better than the alternative.

I am so grateful for the life God has given me.  I'm alive and well.  I'm thankful for the good health I've had so far.

I'm thankful for a merciful God who has given me more second chances than I deserve.  He has always watched over me and helped me make right the messes that I made for myself.

I'm so thankful for the education I received--from the days of public school all the way through to my higher education.

I'm grateful for my beautiful family.  I have a husband that would move heaven and earth for his wife and children if he could.  And I have 3 beautiful, healthy kids that are my little, walking miracles.  I'm thankful for my extended family--those still here and those that have already moved on--and what they have taught me and brought to my life.

I am thankful for my friends--those old and dear friends who are so close to me and such a part of my life that they are like family.  I'm also grateful for the new friends that God has brought into my life.  I know all of these people are there for a reason and I truly value each and every one.

I am thankful for the basic, material things that make my life easier--my home, my car, the clothes I wear and the food I eat.

There are many, many more things I could list here if I sat and gave it more thought.  But I'm tired this evening--this first night of my 38th year.  So it's time to sleep.  Thank you, God, for letting me live to see another year.  Please don't ever let me forget to make each year and every moment in it count.  Happy birthday to me and good night!

Five Minute Friday--Stay

Go!

Staying put can sometimes be a good thing.  But when you're talking about making serious life changes, staying where you are can rarely happen.

I am almost 38 years old and I'm reexamining my life as a Christian.  Studying more.  Learning more.  Praying more.  I'm trying to change some very old, not so attractive habits and character flaws in myself.  It's hard.  Change is hard.  It can be scary.  Especially when you're talking about getting yourself out of a rut.  It's tempting to just stay in this place.  Be the same old Allison I've always been.  But I realize more and more that it didn't really get me anywhere spiritually.  It's time to move on.  Move up.  Face the challenges of being more Christ-like.  And the joys.

The most important thing now is for me to stay in God's presence as much as I can.  Fully realize His presence.

Stop!


Here's the scoop on Five Minute Friday from Lisa Jo herself:

We write for five minutes flat. All on the same prompt that I post here at 1 minute past midnight EST ever Friday. And we connect on Twitter with the hashtag#FiveMinuteFriday

No extreme editing; no worrying about perfect grammar, font, or punctuation.

Unscripted. Unedited. Real.

It started because I’d been thinking about writing and how often our perfectionism gets in the way of our words. And I figured, why not take 5 minutes and see what comes out: not a perfect post, not a profound post, just five minutes of focused writing.

So now on Fridays a group of people who love to throw caution to the wind and just write without worrying if it’s just right gather to share what five minutes buys them. Just five minutes.

Five Minute Friday--Quiet

Go!

Today has been one of those days.  The day that every mom dreads.  Too many missed details, too many tears, too many shrieking screams from the backseat, too much disappointment.

Quiet is all I want right now.

No phones ringing
No kids whining
No cartoons blaring in the background
No babies crying
No cheesie kid music
No dogs barking
No kids fighting

I just need silence so I can hear God's voice right now.  That's all I need.  His quiet reassurance that all is going to be okay....that I am a good mom.....that's he's right here with me today, hands on my shoulders, giving me a loving pep talk.

SHHHHHHHH.........I'm listening, God!

Stop!


Here's the scoop on Five Minute Friday from Lisa Jo herself:

We write for five minutes flat. All on the same prompt that I post here at 1 minute past midnight EST ever Friday. And we connect on Twitter with the hashtag#FiveMinuteFriday

No extreme editing; no worrying about perfect grammar, font, or punctuation.

Unscripted. Unedited. Real.

It started because I’d been thinking about writing and how often our perfectionism gets in the way of our words. And I figured, why not take 5 minutes and see what comes out: not a perfect post, not a profound post, just five minutes of focused writing.

So now on Fridays a group of people who love to throw caution to the wind and just write without worrying if it’s just right gather to share what five minutes buys them. Just five minutes.

I think I'm having a mom-life crisis

Before I became a full-time mom, I worked for a major retailer in the corporate office.  I worked there for 13 years.  It was my first "real" job.  My only "real" job.  You know, the kind where you work a consistent 40 hour week, get benefits, an office--or in my case, a cubicle, and have a steady pay check.  Well, the last few years there were not good.  My coworkers--girls I consider to be good friends--and I were victims of very poor management.  While  I can't speak for all of those girls, I feel pretty confident they'd agree with me that our professional lives were a joke.  I was miserable, depressed, and I allowed that place and the situation turn me into a bitter young woman whose outlook on life and people was cynical to say the least.

After the twins came along, the stress of trying to balance the care of three little ones under the age of 3 and that life-sucking job was too much and I quit.  In February of next year it will be two years since I said good-bye to the working world and hello to full-time motherhood.

Today I heard from one of my dearest friends that still works for that company.  There have been many changes in the department where I worked since I left and my friend has faced them all with tenacity and patience.  Last week she finally received a much-deserved and long overdue promotion.  I truly could not be happier for her.  I know firsthand all the junk and the mess and the frustrations she's dealt with up to this point and I admire her perseverance.

But her good news has left me wondering, what am I doing?  Seriously, WHAT AM I DOING?  I think about her and I envy the fact that she still has this piece of her life that's just for her.  This piece is hers to build on, shape, change, whatever she wants.  When you're a stay-at-home mom, nothing is just yours.  You share and you sacrifice everything--your time, your privacy, your looks, your relationships, your sanity, your confidence.  In essence, it can also be a life-sucking job.  And somehow I feel like I'm being left behind.

I don't mean to complain.  This was my choice.  But I feel like I'm at another crossroads in my life.  What am I doing?  I know working in a corporate setting isn't for me.  And I know I need more to my life than just being a mom.  And after the morning I had with the twins, I'm not so sure I'm very good at being "mom" anyway.

Sometimes I overwhelm myself thinking about all the various things I COULD do.  My mind gets so clouded with different ideas it's like trying to look for the bottom of a muddy puddle--impossible to see for all the dirt and matter floating around.  It's maddening and in the meantime, my wheels are spinning as I change diapers, wash dirty hands, kiss boo-boos, play referee, chauffeur, maid, chef.  Oh yeah, and playing wife is somewhere in there, too.  And so while life seems to be going on around me in fast-forward, I never. go. anywhere.

Then the self-doubt creeps in and I wonder if I'm cut out for anything other than the multitasking I do to make others' lives a little easier.  But I feel like there's got to be something for me.  I don't think God would have given me the fire in my belly to find it if there wasn't.  It's just that the search is so frustrating.  It's hard to believe that at almost 38 years old, I'm still struggling to figure out who I am.  GRRRR!

But in the midst of my mom-life crisis, I'm just going to continue to pray that whatever "it" is for me will be revealed and that I won't be too clueless or busy to realize it.